A Word About, … Authenticity

I don’t know how many times I’ve asked the question, but I have been known to ask a person I’m chatting with: “Do you journal?” The answers vary, of course, depending on the person. But there are some responses that seem to be most frequent: It’s either ‘Yes,” or:

“I used to, but I don’t anymore,” followed by what someone did when they were younger. Or,

“No. I’m not a writer,” followed by all the reasons the person doesn’t feel qualified to write down their thoughts. Or, sometimes a person will respond to my question by saying “Sometimes.” which is usually another way of saying, “Not very often.”

I wonder? If I changed my question about journaling, and instead, I asked a different closed-ended question: “Do you have deep thoughts?” If I asked an unsuspecting soul if they have deep thoughts, my guess would be that initially they might laugh, as if my question was a trick joke, and say “No. I’m not a very deep thinker.” But, I believe the honest answer to that question for most people would be, “Yes. I have deep thoughts about all kinds of things, but I’m not going to share my deepest thoughts with anyone, or write them down in a journal because someday I’ll die, and if someone got my journal and read it, they would know my deepest thoughts. They might think that my deep thoughts … aren’t that deep.”

My motive for asking questions about deep thinking and journaling is not in trying to be nosey or probative in someone’s personal life. In all honesty, I’m not sure I’ve ever had a thought ‘deep enough’ that it needed to be written down. In my own journaling experience, I don’t aim from ‘depth of thought.’ I try for what I call ‘authentic declaration.’ For me, there’s a difference between trying to be a “deep thinker” and choosing to be an authentic servant. Deep thinkers focus on peeling back the layers of life’s mysteries, exploring profound questions about God, faith, or the universe. My history at solving those kinds of deep and mysterious things isn’t that great. I’m just being ‘real.’

And being ‘real’ or ‘authentic’ is I think a great way to stay focused. Authentic declaration isn’t about solving life’s riddles—it’s about showing up on a page and being honest about where I am right now. Sometimes that honesty looks like wrestling with doubts. Other times, it’s as simple as admitting, “Today was hard, but I noticed God’s handiwork in the sunset, and I was grateful.”

David’s psalms weren’t always “deep” in some philosophical sense. He cried out in frustration, celebrated with joy, confessed his sin, or begged for mercy. His words were vulnerable, real, and messy. The thing that made David a man after God’s heart was not only the depth of his thinking, but the authentic way he lived his life and approached his God. The Lord doesn’t need our profound thoughts. He wants truth. Psalm 51:6, David wrote (perhaps in his journal, who knows?,) “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place” (NIV). 

As this new year gets started, a challenge, then: If you’ve never tried journaling, take a swing at it. Start slowly, perhaps. Maybe only one sentence in a notebook or small journal. Don’t shoot for a profound thought you can write down. Instead, look for an obvious and authentic truth you can notice about yourself, your world, your God.