A word about…. a refuge

Every morning, very early, I sit in the same seat. I turn on the same light. I pick up my Bible and my journal, same Bible and the same journal I use every morning, and I read and I write and I think about what God has said to me in his word. And I often reflect on some of what I would like to say to God about what God has said to me in his word. At the top of every day’s entry in my journal, I copy a verse of scripture that has struck my thought. And this morning I copied this verse. That’s the New English translation of the 114th verse of the longest chapter in the Bible, the 119th Psalm. As I sat contemplating the verse I had copied into my journal, I began to wonder a bit if I truly made God my refuge every day, and how my life would be different if I did. If I declared to God that He is my shield and that His Word is my source of hope, there’d be no room for fear or discouragement or doubt in my life. I sat for the better part of an hour this morning just thinking and wondering about how I’m doing at making God my refuge and my shield. And then I wrote down some of my wondering. Oh Lord, I wonder about myself. I do wonder if you are truly my refuge and shield that I read about this morning. Do I run to you each day, as if you’re the only one who knows my path? You who never discovers. You’re not like me, Lord. You never discover. You never learn something new. You already know all that can be known. You are the God who knows. Perfect omniscience in your very nature. You never wonder, you never imagine things in your mind’s eye. You see, you know perfectly and without any flaw. You’ve never asked yourself, I wonder what it would be like about anything. For example, you simply said, let there be light, and there was light. You didn’t try, you never try. That may be one of the things I am most grateful for, Lord. You’ve never tried. You who are the author and finisher of my faith, the first and last and living word. You are the God who never tries. In my foolishness, it seems as if I never stopped trying. I need your help, Lord. My striving and trying can be such a trying way to live life. Will you help me declare rest today, Lord? Will you help me say it as if I mean it? Will you help me be more like you and find that restful place in you? Help me not merely try to make you my refuge and shield. Make it be so, you who are the God who never tries. You are my refuge and my shield. Your word is my source of hope. Help me live my life that way today.